Hey there, brave soul. If you're reading this on Christmas morning, maybe while everyone else is still asleep, or while hiding in the bathroom during family festivities, or alone in your quiet house – I see you. I feel you. I am you.
First thing's first: You made it here. Whether you dragged yourself kicking and screaming, or floated in on a wave of numbness, or sailed in on autopilot – you're here. That counts for something. Actually, it counts for everything.
The empty chair at the Christmas breakfast table feels like it's screaming today. The missing stocking might as well be a black hole in the wall. That gap in the Christmas photo where your person should be standing? Yeah, it feels like a punch to the gut. And don't even get me started on their favorite Christmas song coming on shuffle. (Who gave Mariah Carey the right to make me cry in my coffee?)
Here's what I want you to know on this particularly loaded day:
1. You're allowed to feel however you feel. If that's like setting the Christmas tree on fire? Valid. If it's wearing your person's old Christmas sweater and ugly-crying into your hot chocolate? Also valid. If it's laughing at old memories and then feeling guilty for laughing? Super valid.
2. Your person's favorite traditions don't have to become emotional landmines. They can be your secret handshake with their memory instead. Maybe you still make their ridiculous Christmas morning pancakes. Maybe you play their favorite holiday movie. Maybe you wear the awful reindeer socks they bought you. It's okay to keep pieces of them in your Christmas.
3. It's okay if today is just about survival. No one's handing out awards for "Most Festive Griever." If your Christmas spirit is more "surviving" than "thriving," congratulations – you're doing grief right.
For my fellow suicide loss survivors, this day hits different. The "holiday joy" expectations feel like they're written in a language we don't speak anymore. While everyone else is celebrating the magic of Christmas, we're just trying to make it through without completely losing our shit in the middle of gift opening.
Some Real Talk Survival Tips for Today:
- Keep your phone charged and your grief squad on speed dial
- Have an escape plan (car "trouble" is always a classic)
- Take breaks when you need them (bathrooms are excellent crying venues)
- Hydrate (eggnog counts, but maybe mix in some water)
- Hold your boundaries like they're the last cookie in the box
Remember: Missing them is just love with no place to go. Today, let that love exist however it needs to. Put their ornament in a special place. Tell their favorite terrible Christmas joke. Order their usual Christmas morning coffee and drink it while talking to them in your head (or out loud – who's going to judge you today?).
To those spending this Christmas alone: You're not alone. Your grief squad is out here too, probably also hiding in various bathrooms across the country, scrolling through their phones and trying to breathe through the hard moments.
To those surrounded by family but feeling lonely anyway: We get it. Sometimes being surrounded by people who don't understand your grief is lonelier than being alone.
To all of you: Your grief is welcome here. Your tears are welcome here. Your anger is welcome here. Your complicated, messy, not-very-Christmas-y feelings are welcome here.
Your person lived. They were here. They mattered. They still matter. And so do you.
Sending you strength, love, and permission to do this day however you need to.
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Love,
Aleksei and the team at Mourning Glory Club, a registered 501(c)3
Comment with how you're feeling todau!
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