Hey there, grief warriors. Let's talk about that magical time of year when social media becomes a highlight reel of perfect family moments, and you're just trying to figure out how to breathe through another round of "but it's the season of joy!"
Ah, the holidays. That special time when grief hits different, like someone cranked up the volume on your feelings and bedazzled them with twinkle lights. Whether it's your first holiday season without your person or your fifth, this time of year has a way of hitting harder than your uncle's spiked eggnog.
Let's break down the holiday obstacle course, shall we?
The Family Photo Situation:
There it is – that empty space in the family photo where your person should be. It's like playing Where's Waldo, except Waldo isn't there and everyone's pretending not to notice. Pro tip: It's okay to skip the photo session and go panic-scroll TikTok in the bathroom instead.
The Well-Meaning But Clueless Comments:
- "They wouldn't want you to be sad during the holidays!"
(Cool opinion, Karen. Did they tell you that during your séance?)
- "At least they're in a better place!"
(Is that place taking holiday dinner RSVPs?)
- "You should focus on the happy memories!"
(Currently focusing on not throat-punching you, but thanks.)
The Holiday Traditions Minefield:
Remember how your dad always dressed up as Santa? Or how your sister made those ridiculous ugly Christmas sweaters? Yeah, those memories hit like a emotional freight train covered in tinsel. You have three options:
1. Keep the traditions and cry through them
2. Skip them and cry about skipping them
3. Create new ones and cry while creating them
(Sensing a theme here? Crying is festive now. I don't make the rules.)
Survival Strategies That Actually Help:
1. Permission to Bail
You're allowed to RSVP "no" to anything that feels too much. "Sorry, I have plans" is a complete sentence, even if those plans are just sitting in your PJs watching Die Hard and arguing about whether it's a Christmas movie.
2. The Holiday Escape Plan
Always have an exit strategy. Car trouble, sudden illness, spontaneous combustion – whatever works. Keep your Uber app ready and your excuses handy.
3. The Grief Corner
Set aside a special place for your person during the holidays. Put up their photo, their favorite holiday decoration, or that hideous ornament they loved. Make them part of the celebration, even if it makes others uncomfortable. (Actually, especially if it makes others uncomfortable.)
4. The Support Squad
Find your people – the ones who get it. The ones who won't judge when you need to ugly-cry in the middle of Target's holiday section because you saw your loved one's favorite candy cane flavor. The ones who'll help you create new traditions or honor old ones.
Remember:
- There's no "right way" to do the holidays while grieving
- You're allowed to be happy AND sad (sometimes in the same minute)
- It's okay if your holiday spirit is more "Grinch before the heart grew" than "Buddy the Elf"
- You can skip the whole thing and declare it Netflix Documentary Season instead
To all my fellow grief warriors facing the holiday season: You're not alone. Whether you're faking it till you make it, hiding in your blanket fort, or finding new ways to include your person's memory – you're doing it right.
And if anyone tries to tell you how to feel this holiday season, remember: coal isn't just for stockings. (I'm kidding. Mostly.)
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Love,
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